Caitlynn Hawks

My early years where spent under the quiet tutelage of peer pressure and an obsessive eating habit that lead to five years in a row of sleepaway summer fat camp. While I... more

My early years where spent under the quiet tutelage of peer pressure and an obsessive eating habit that lead to five years in a row of sleepaway summer fat camp. While I failed the weight loss and overall "health" portions of camp, I still came away with an unparalleled self confidence as the skinniest fat kid and as such became the leader of Fattix, the baddest fat gang around. I was arrested a week later, prison was the real fat camp for me and I shed those pounds quickly managing in the process to seduce the warden. we staged a brilliant break out and fled for Borneo where we married. He left me for a women that eats snails. You can currently find me making a living playing speed clue at University Park. Currently an aspiring well-wisher, rocket scientist, and planet.